I have been gone for some time. In this difficult time, I’ve decided to take some time to speak with all of you. I’m not going to apologize for being gone. I needed the time to be able to be in a bad mood. I wasn’t going to infect all of you with my negativity. And after living with ALS for so many years, I figured that I’m allowed to be in a funk. I have missed all of you and I thank those of you who have reached out to me to check in with me to see if I was okay. Thanks so much!
I’ve written this post hundreds of times in my mind. When someone finally invents a machine that can translate what I think into speech, you all will get tired of my ramblings! Ha, I can see it now! What the hell is she talking about?! Does she ever shut up?! lol Oh and when you come visit me and tell me your stories? What you don’t know is that, in my head, I’m answering or responding with my thoughts. If we had a machine that could read my thoughts, I’m sure you would get sick of my yapping! lol
And here’s the funny thing. I was never much of a talker. I was happy to sit back, watch and listen. People loved talking to me too. If I had a dollar for every time a complete stranger would start talking to me and telling me their deepest secrets, well I’d really be rich! lol I always had a feeling that I had a tattoo on my forehead saying “The doctor is free”! lol
I started this post in March. I thought that maybe I could offer you all some wisdom of how to deal with the isolation that I knew was about to befall you all. Nobody feels more isolated then a person who is stuck in a hospital bed. It isn’t that I don’t have family or friends coming to visit. Everyone has their lives to live and dying isn’t part of it. That’s for us to deal with. And don’t get me wrong, I have a great support system. Even if I had someone here every day, please don’t come all the time, there is seclusion in dying and I have been dying for a very long time!
Here’s the thing. I have no words of wisdom. I don’t think anyone can be prepared for the kind of isolation I know that the world has now come to know. This year has brought so many people pain. Whether you have lost someone to this virus or maybe you just have been lonely. The Lord knows that this year has had some doosies – did I spell that right?? – for me and my family. The one thing I can tell you is, life always has something positive to be happy about. For example, if I had already died like the diagnosis of ALS should have delivered, I would not have seen my nephew turn 15! Also, this year made me a great auntie! Amongst the bad, there is always something to be happy about. Sometimes it just takes some time to find it.
So, my friends and loved ones, find your happy place! It’s there somewhere, this I promise you. Stay safe and be well! xo